Author: Dr. Amelia N.Y. Lee, MH
Associate Dean (Programme Development) and Head of Early Childhood and Elementary Education
Earlier, I had a gathering with some university classmates, where we shared updates about our families and showed care for one another, chatting about work, children, and other topics. Suddenly, someone laughed and said, “Amelia is probably the first among us to have kids, right?” My husband immediately responded, “Amelia has always loved children.” Indeed, I never considered not having children. As the eldest in my family and the big sister among neighbours and fellow townsfolk, I was often entrusted with looking after younger brothers and sisters. I found a lot of joy in it and it deepened our friendships.
My love for children is undeniable, and I feel very confident when it comes to caring for and educating infants and young children. The innocence and purity of young children always brings me immense joy and unexpected surprises. However, when I became a mother myself, my mindset completely changed. On the first day back home after giving birth, as I sat on the sofa holding my daughter, a heavy sense of responsibility and pressure suddenly overwhelmed me. In the past, when looking after other people’s children, I was merely a temporary carer, and the children would eventually return to their parents’ embrace, making my responsibility only short-term. However, looking at my own daughter, this responsibility is 24/7, with no breaks, no holidays, and even a lifelong mother-daughter bond. I need to prepare everything for her in every aspect, planning her life until she grows up. Whether she is well-behaved, naughty, healthy, or has any imperfections, I must selflessly accept and give my all, and this sense of responsibility can be almost suffocating.
Subsequently, I gradually learned how to take on the role of a mother, finding ways to balance family and work. Although the process was filled with confusion and challenges, I learned as I went along. Now, both my daughters are adults with families of their own. Looking back, I feel a sense of fulfillment and meaning. Those moments of tension and apprehension were indeed part of the growth journey, and it was precisely because of my wholehearted dedication to family, work, and my children that these feelings of unease arose. Unfortunately, in my younger years, I didn’t understand emotional management and couldn’t grasp the reasons behind my anxiety. Despite this, I still feel that what I gained from being a mother far outweighs what I lost. Reflecting on these years, I have gained so much from love and responsibility. I attempt to recount some of the most profound insights and rewards I have experienced:
- Learning the lessons of love and recognising my own shortcomings—love is an incredibly challenging subject. Short-term or conditional love is not difficult, but to love unconditionally and for the long term is indeed challenging. Every day, with a humble heart, I reflect on myself, learn to manage my emotions, and embrace each new day, which also teaches me the importance of sacrifice.
- Gaining more self-awareness and becoming wiser—children have an incredibly keen sense of observation and can often notice details that adults overlook. There are times when they are mischievous, challenge authority, or act endearingly, often seeing through their parents’ weaknesses and cleverly exploiting them. This is human nature and should not be overly criticised. To prevent my children from seizing on my weaknesses, I have learned to become wiser, better at managing not to expose my shortcomings easily, and my character has gradually become more harmonious.
- Expanding my social circle and meeting people of different ages and backgrounds—because of my children, I’ve met many parents from diverse backgrounds, professions, and ethnicities. Through interactions with them, I have gained insights into different cultures and professions and learned to get along with people of varying personalities and mindsets, enhancing my communication and social skills. Undeniably, the journey of parenthood is filled with endless challenges and can often be frustrating. Fortunately, I have encountered some mentors who guided me to view problems from different perspectives. From parents with slightly older children, I have drawn much inspiration and learned how to handle the various challenges of my children’s growth. Of course, we must also cultivate the ability to think independently and adapt others’ experiences to suit ourselves and our children.
Parenthood is a blessing filled with grace, a lesson in ‘loving and being loved.’ As parents, we must also teach our children to be filial and to repay the kindness of their parents, making their lives more complete. Children who understand giving and are grateful can more fully realise themselves. Watching my children grow and find their own paths brings a sense of satisfaction and joy that far exceeds the value of all the sacrifices made, adding more colour to the different stages of my life!
