Author: Mel WAGENAAR
Educational Psychologist, Teacher and Mother, South Africa
In my practice as an educational psychologist, I am often asked by parents: Did I do enough? What MORE could I have done? Was there anything different I could have done? All these questions relate to parent stress around whether they are providing sufficient stimulation for their child. But if we start to unpack that, it is the word “sufficient” that we need to focus on. The chances are great that if you are reading this and the thought has crossed your mind, you ARE doing enough! My view is that a lot of additional stress arises from parents comparing themselves to others. Somehow a deficit mindset develops, and this is when what I term “parent panic” sets in.
The core areas for parent anxiety center around language development/speech, number sense or fine motor skills. In today’s modern, fast-paced world, for some, just getting through the day and juggling work, home chores and young child caretaking can be very challenging. This parenting period is often a mad blur. It is hard and when we start to doubt ourselves, we need to have a quick go-to memorization in our heads. This is why I came up with the DOUBLE S checklist.
I would encourage you to use this “test” every time you start to doubt yourself and YOUR own parenting and I am going to explain why. Each S stands for something different that I consider to be a foundational “pillar” for providing your child with the tools they will need to begin to navigate this world. Did you SOCIALIZE your child in some way? Did you STIMULATE your child in some way? All you need to do is ask yourself whether you or a carer included any activities listed under each of these headings THAT day. If you have, stop the guilt. Hence, I am listing a few general ideas for socializing and stimulating your child that you or a carer can utilize.
The first S: Socializing your child.
When you delve deeper into this all-encompassing term, several essential skills are covered. One of these is communication (read language). Much research has gone into the role of language as it is the most essential tool for further learning. When we think of reading and writing and math, you cannot avoid the role of language which is integral to all these scholastic learning areas. Math is not just about symbols but also concepts – thus language. Listening to others and having to follow instructions relates to receptive language. Expressive skills develop as the child expands their vocabulary and their speaking skills from interactions with others. This may necessitate getting out there and some effort on your (or the child’s carer’s) part but the rewards are long-term as we live in a social world. You or the child’s carer can set many of the following in motion with a bit of forward planning.
Here are some general ideas to facilitate socializing, both with peers and with people of all ages:
- Attending family occasions and visiting members of the extended family.
- Taking your child along to friends or social gatherings that are child friendly.
- Play-dates with other children; these can take place at home, in the homes of others or at an outside venue.
- An outing to a park or playground.
- Engaging in a sports activity, such as learning to swim at a local pool.
- Joining clubs that offer a diverse range of child-centered activities.
- Enrolling your child in creative or crafts lessons.
- Signing your child up for extra lessons to learn an additional language.
The second S: Stimulating your child.
By mindfully aiming to socialize your child in some way each day, you are also stimulating them. Just about any positive action or opportunity for learning that you set in motion and gets your child communicating and thinking and connecting with the world, is a form of stimulation (and socialization).
- Join a local library: I could expound at length about books and reading to your child and how much stimulation this provides.
- Talk to your child as you go about your and their daily activities of living.
- Sing and make up songs and sing along to music that is playing.
- Play with your child – role play is wonderful, as is building a Lego tower and playing catch.
- Create opportunities for running, jumping, counting, swinging, dancing, and hopping.
Some parting words to ease the parent’s mind about what is enough – you cannot control the future and/or who your child is or who your child will be. Sometimes things must just play out and it is often when the child is in the formal school system that academic and scholastic problems become apparent. No matter how much you stimulate or socialize your child, no matter how proactive you are being, you are not superhuman and cannot “guard” against or prevent certain conditions or diagnoses that may well occur. What you CAN do is as much as YOU can (without suffering burn-out) with the resources you have at your disposal. Love your child, have fun with your child, be flexible with your planning, and provide them with security and experiences. The lists are merely there to provide ideas and you may well have many of your own. Do what you can with what you have, wherever you are, as the saying goes. When you feel overwhelmed, remember the DOUBLE S test. However, if you have concerns, consult a professional. Trust your instincts.
