Author: Annie NG
Speech and Language Therapist
In the previous article, we talked about what child-led and parent-led play approaches are like. In this article, we will go over some tips and tricks for the application of child-led play.
Some things to do or think about when following your child’s lead in play
- Provide a safe play space:
Ensure that the play environment is safe and suitable for your child’s age and abilities. Remove any potential hazards or dangerous objects. Offer age-appropriate toys, materials and resources that align with their developmental stage and interests.
- Follow your child’s flow of play:
Allow your child to take the lead and make their own choices during play. Try to avoid constantly directing or disrupting their activities unless necessary, e.g. for safety purposes. Let them explore, experiment and express their creativity freely. Allow yourself and also them to follow their flow of play.
- Observe intently and patiently:
Observe your child’s play to have a deeper understanding of their interests, strengths and developmental progress. Pay attention to their cues, body language and verbal expressions to understand their needs and preferences. This allows you to respond appropriately and provide support when needed.
- Be present and engaged:
Let your interest and affect show as you play with your child. Put your phone away and be fully present with your child. Respond to their initiatives, join their play, and be ready to interact and connect with your child.
- Embrace the notion that ‘there’s no wrong way to play’:
Child-led play may not always follow a predictable or structured path. Be patient and flexible, allowing your child to explore and change the direction of play based on their interests, choices and imagination. Avoid imposing your own agenda and preferences on their play because too much adult direction can hinder their creativity and problem-solving skills. Instead, embrace their spontaneity and adapt to their evolving play scenarios. As long as your child is being safe, there’s almost not a wrong way to play.
- Listen attentively and reflectively:
What your child expresses in play helps you to see into their world better. Pay attention to not only the words they are using, but also how and when the words are used. Listening attentively to your child allows you to better validate their feelings, ideas and perspectives during play. You are also more likely to respond empathetically, encouraging them to express themselves. This also supports your child’s emotional well-being and communication skills.
- Avoid over-structuring your child’s play:
While providing a supportive environment through gentle guidance, you want to avoid over-structuring your child’s play. Instead of directing your child in play, allow for open-ended play opportunities that stimulate their imagination, curiosity and exploration.
- Be playful like your child and make fun the ultimate goal:
Prioritize fun! Engage in playful interactions with your child. Let them show you how to play! Imitate their actions and participate in their imaginative play scenarios. Focus on the play process rather than the end result. Embrace the silliness with your child!
Some things to say to move play towards a more child-led direction
What we say with our children in play is just as important as what we do with them in play. Let’s have a look at some statements and questions, and see how the same message can be phrased for either a more parent-led interaction or a more child-led one.
Towards a more parent-led interaction | Towards a more child-led interaction | |
1 | ‘Why don’t you draw like this?’ | ‘Tell me about what you’re drawing.’ |
2 | ‘Let’s play with these toys now.’ | ‘I’m curious to see how you’ll use these toys.’ |
3 | ‘That’s not how you’re supposed to use that toy.’ | ‘You have so many options to play. What would you like to do?’ |
4 | ‘Why don’t you try this puzzle instead?’ | ‘I’m here to help you if you need.’ |
5 | ‘Let’s make the car go faster!’ | ‘I love watching your imagination at work.’ |
6 | ‘No, that’s not how the story goes.’ | ‘It’s so cool to see you come up with your own story.’ |
7 | ‘Let me show you the right way to do it.’ | ‘You have great ideas! I can’t wait to see what you’ll create.’ |
8 | ‘Why don’t you play with this toy instead of that one?’ | ‘You’re doing an excellent job exploring and experimenting.’ |
9 | ‘You should use the blue ball here, not the red one.’ | ‘What do you think will happen if you use the blue ball?’ |
10 | ‘Let’s finish this game so we can move on to the next one.’ | ‘I like playing with you and I like this game!’ |
The messages on the left are not inherently negative but may shift the play dynamic towards a more adult-led approach, limiting your child’s autonomy and hindering their ability to take the lead in play. The messages on the right, however, incorporate reflective listening and maintain the parent’s facilitative role, giving the child space to decide how their play should go.
Let’s expound on reflective listening a little more using a play scenario with blocks
Imagine you and your child sitting on the floor with a large pile of colorful blocks. Your child takes the lead and begins building a city. They excitedly share their ideas and plans for the city as they build.
- Pay attention and observe closely what your child is doing:
Start by paying close attention to your child’s words, actions and emotions during the play. Observe how they engage with the blocks, their facial expressions and any cues they give about their play intentions.
- Reflect your child’s feelings:
If your child says something like, ‘I want to build a tall tower here’, reflect their feelings by acknowledging their enthusiasm and excitement. For example, you can respond with, ‘Wow, you seem so excited about the tall tower. Sounds like a fun project!’
- Paraphrase and clarify:
When your child describes their ideas or plans, paraphrase and clarify to show that you are actively listening and understanding their perspective. For example, if your child says, ‘I want to put a playground next to the tower’, you can respond with, ‘Oh! You want to build a playground as a neighbor to the tower. That’s a great idea!’
- Ask open-ended questions:
Engage your child in conversations by asking open-ended questions that encourage them to elaborate on their play. For instance, you can ask, ‘What kind of buildings do you want to have in your city?’ or ‘Why do you think it’s good to have a playground next to the tower?’ But as always, monitor your child’s flow of play and if you feel that your questions are starting to disrupt that flow, it might be better to hold off on the questions. Ideally, your questions and statements should extend their play rather than disrupt it.
- Empathize and validate:
During the play process, it is essential to empathize with your child’s ideas and validate their creative choices. If they express frustration or encounter difficulties, acknowledge their feelings and provide support. For example, if they say, ‘I can’t get the bridge to stay up,’ you can respond with, ‘Sometimes building bridges can be hard. It’s okay to take your time and try different ways.’
- Encourage problem-solving:
If your child encounters obstacles or seeks your help, encourage them to think critically and problem-solve independently before offering help. This fosters their autonomy and builds their confidence. For example, you can say, ‘What are some other ways we could make the bridge more stable?’
Letting your child lead in play and engaging in reflective listening may not come naturally at first, but it will get easier with regular practice. And remember, be fully present in play and prioritize having fun with your child!
