Author: Dr. Sandra Tsang
Associate Professor, Department of Social Work and Social Administration
During festive seasons or family elders’ birthdays, family gatherings are inevitable. Organizers may see it as a golden opportunity for relatives and friends to come together, while those who dislike socializing may view it as a time-consuming and costly obligation that requires bringing newspapers or game consoles to pass the time and minimize the chances of small talk.
Interestingly, some parents who dislike socializing also feel that their children have poor interpersonal skills and low emotional intelligence, leading them to consider enrolling their children in “EQ training classes” to improve their abilities. However, they overlook the fact that family gatherings, besides being a way to show respect to elders and facilitate socializing among relatives and friends, can provide the most natural, relaxed, and enjoyable intergenerational experiences, which offer numerous “EQ training” opportunities that should not be underestimated:
- A wide age range and a large number of people with strong complexity: Family gatherings usually involve participants of all ages, with no restrictions on the number of attendees and allowing for arrivals and departures at different times, making group interactions highly complex. If the organizer can still make everyone feel at home and enjoy the event, they must be socially adept, and learning from them may be more beneficial than attending an EQ training class.
- Strong complexity in intergenerational dynamics guarantees abundant topics: Novices in social interactions can easily find topics to engage in (from weather to food, current events, astronomy, geography, etc.), and they can also learn to express care to relatives and friends of different ages, genders, and circumstances, which can lead to a sense of accomplishment.
- A large number of attendees at family gatherings allows for selective involvement.: participants can actively participate when they feel engaged in the conversation, or they can choose to sit back and observe when the topic doesn’t interest them, thus practicing restraint from impulsive interruptions. Additionally, observing how others handle interactions with certain “challenging” individuals can serve as another opportunity for personal growth.
- Family gatherings occur once or a few times a year, providing the best material for studying and inferring someone’s personality, traits, and circumstances. Isn’t it intriguing to train one’s observation skills and insights?
Of course, to ensure that different participants can enjoy family gatherings in their own way, besides arranging dishes that cater to the interests of different relatives and friends, it is best to avoid sensitive topics such as comparing academic achievements, income, investment trends, or controversial political stances. When engaging in a particularly insightful conversation with a certain relative or friend, it’s important to know when to stop and avoid neglecting other family members who may also want to join the conversation.
Hong Kong is a metropolis with numerous festive occasions to celebrate. So, let’s promptly arrange various family gatherings and establish the rule of “no reading newspapers, no watching TV, no gaming” during these gatherings. Let’s personally and joyfully teach our children how to interact with others in a relaxed and enjoyable manner!
