Author: Dr. Sandra Tsang
Associate Professor, Department of Social Work and Social Administration
When three-year-old Chiu Yi started kindergarten, she was a beautiful and intelligent girl who was well-liked by her teachers and classmates. She had a particular love for cleanliness, wearing neatly braided hair that her mother did for her every day and wearing tidy school uniforms. She could even use the restroom by herself, displaying exceptional independence compared to her peers.
Unfortunately, in the second semester, Chiu Yi rarely had her hair braided, her school uniform became less tidy, and her backpack was often disorganized. Strangely, there were times when she had accidents in the classroom, both urinating and defecating. She also experienced bellyaches and vomiting, which prevented her from attending school and affected her behaviour during class, making her appear less cheerful and lively overall. The teacher suspected that she might be facing some emotional issues and contacted her mother to find out what was going on. The mother, filled with guilt, explained that six months ago, when her younger sibling was born, there was a lack of oxygen during childbirth, which affected their intelligence and physical abilities. She had been devoting all her attention to taking care of the younger sibling and unintentionally neglecting Chiu Yi, which might have made her feel disappointed and caused her regression in behaviour.
When there is a child with special needs in the family, many parents will wholeheartedly take care of them without giving up. With the improvement of medical and rehabilitation services in Hong Kong, various experts provide their prescriptions, and parents who make sincere efforts can easily fall into a “child-centered” family model. Not only do they concentrate their energy, attention, and family resources on the child with special needs, but they also expect their other typically developing children to be “mature, considerate, and independent,” and ideally, show concern and offer help at all times. However, these “normal” children are just ordinary kids who have various developmental needs and face their own unique challenges:
- They have gained a disabled sibling but lost a healthy sibling and playmate.
- Parents are exhausted and fortunate if they don’t vent their frustrations.
- Parents have high expectations of themselves, not only expecting independence but also hoping that their typically developing children will help and even commit to taking care of their disabled sibling for life.
- The child with special needs occupies the family’s time and material resources, depriving others of their own development and even opportunities for leisure, and sometimes they may face judgment from others.
The Parent Education Curriculum Framework (Kindergarten), released by the Education Bureau in 2021, emphasizes that parents also need a balanced life and to take care of their own physical and mental health in order to establish a good family and nurture their children. Chiu Yi, who has been neglected for six months, has already shown signs of regression in her physical and mental behaviour, serving as a wake-up call for her parents. Hopefully, her parents will reflect on their actions and quickly lead the family back on the track of “family-centeredness,” avoiding further deterioration of Chiu Yi’s issues.
