Author: Dr. Sandra Tsang
Associate Professor, Department of Social Work and Social Administration
On Monday afternoon, Mrs. Wong, who works at a stock brokerage, received a phone call from Miss Chan, the teacher at her child’s kindergarten. Chan mentioned that her daughter, Nga Ying, who is in the beginner class, was feeling down, and she hoped Mrs. Wong could come to the school to discuss how to assist Yaying.
Mrs. Wong understood that Nga Ying was actually protesting against the plan for her parents to pick her up and take her to their home after the Christmas break.
Nga Ying is their eldest daughter, two years older than her brother. When Nga Ying was born, the parents, wanting to focus on work and maintain their privacy, decided to entrust her to a reliable neighbor who was also her grandparents’ acquaintance for care. The couple would only pick Nga Ying up on Friday afternoons and return her on Sundays, spending time together as a family.
Nga Ying had always adjusted well to this arrangement. When they decided to have a son, they continued with the same routine, enjoying weekdays focused on their careers and fulfilling their parental duties only on weekends. Unfortunately, their son has had health issues since birth, and it seemed like he had some developmental delays. The couple didn’t dare to rely on others for his care, so they started employing a live-in foreign domestic worker to help, and they also brought Nga Ying back to live with them. Unexpectedly, when Nga Ying learned that her parents planned for her to leave the family that had been caring for her, she cried, protested vehemently, and even said hurtful things like, “I want to be with Auntie.” This saddened the parents. In a moment of impatience, Mrs Wong, who is straightforward by nature, slapped Nga Ying. She cried the whole Sunday afternoon and, understandably, had no mood to go to school on Monday!
Modern parents lead busy lives, and if they willingly become “weekend parents” for the sake of material success, they may have to pay a heavy price in terms of losing the parent-child bond. Many studies on parenting, both domestically and internationally, have pointed out that infants and young children are the most vulnerable and in need of protection. They develop a strong sense of attachment, happiness, and trust towards their caregivers, and they will love and rely on them throughout their lives. If the caregiver is not the biological parent, the child’s loyalty becomes divided, leading to identity crises and a sense of “where do I belong?” If the parents and caregivers have vastly different lifestyles and parenting approaches, the child has to constantly adapt every week, which is incredibly burdensome. It would be strange if they didn’t have any psychological issues!
Now that things have come to this point, Mr. and Mrs. Wong really needs to handle the “homecoming” issue with Nga Ying carefully and seriously in order to minimize the aftermath of being weekend parents. After Nga Ying returns home, they also need to carefully allocate their time to care for both children to avoid Yaying feeling jealous of her little brother!
